unhinged

a few relatively fundamental things go awry, and i'm distracted to the point where i can't focus enough to do much more than the bare minimum. naturally, times like these are when i'm most aware of how much i need to be setting up projects for myself, to be making things and thinking more about the long term, especially now that i have access to all kinds of cool toys in the shops at MIT. i've never been good at this whole regularly scheduled self-motivated work sort of thing. at best, i could fixate on a single project long enough to get it done, but then would be compelled to move on to something completely different. i could never successfully keep a journal, or a regularly updated sketch book, can't even think about drawing or building or even planning when i have more immediate concerns - but it all feels like a shoddy excuse - these issues aren't taking up a lot of actual hours, they're just distracting me. i feel like i need to be working on creative things the most when i can't think straight enough to get my shit together at all. there are so many things i want to do, and each thing deserves a lot of time and effort, and i can't find a way to narrow the list down, never mind begin working. i feel like i've forgotten how to think.